Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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