ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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