smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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