Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
