You made me cry and you don't even care
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
