Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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