Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
