jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My liver just broke up with me...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
