loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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