Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
