I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
