this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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