My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
