Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
