can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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