I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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