You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
