Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
