puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
