I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
