I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
