i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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