Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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