Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
