Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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