Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize