you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
