I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
