she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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