the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
