You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
