Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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