I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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