dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
