So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
