.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
