Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
