Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
