that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
