all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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