I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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