We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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