Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize