I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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