you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
