I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
