Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
