Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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