can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
