youre lurking in front of me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
