my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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