Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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