At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
