Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
