Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
