Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
