What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Panties = found
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
