What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I won the penis lottery.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize