I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
