Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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