I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
