Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
