Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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