Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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