I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize