she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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