Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
