It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
