What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
