Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
