I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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