I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
