my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
